So, I don’t know about y’all, but episode one of the third season of Insecure got me thinking a lot about boundaries. Boundaries. I almost shutter at the word. It’s like vegetables to a kid; you don’t know why the wise ones keep urging that you indulge, but you know it’s somehow in your best interest.
The best thing about Insecure is that they take realistic situations and add just enough extremity to have you screaming at the tv, “girl what is you doing???”, just to take a step back and realize you’re not far above those same mistakes. First of all, Issa. Issa, Issa, Issa. Actually…Daniel, Daniel Daniel. Boy, what are you doing opening your home to a girl who JUST broke your heart? Where’s the sense?
Then there’s Molly. My God. Monogamy isn’t a crime. You want what you want and you shouldn’t settle. More importantly, you shouldn’t lie to yourself while you’re settling. Bloop.
*climbs off high horse*
Oh, my boundaries? I’m working on those. The thing about setting boundaries is that it takes a lot of paying attention to yourself and your reactions to situations before you even know that boundaries need to be set. Listen to yourself. I’m talking to me here too. Understand that you’re allowed to have your own definitions of what’s wrong and what’s right. If it doesn’t work for you, you’ll feel it, and it makes total sense to use that feeling to determine a boundary that needs to be set.
One boundary that I’ve become more and more clear on is not compromising my alone/recharging time. I’m not a kick it queen. I have my moments of hosting and partying and socializing to the max, but those moments are best capped with isolation. I Love my apartment, that it’s my space, I Love my bed and my couch, I Love my floor, I Love my alone time. If I allow people, anyone, to make me feel like I owe them my time when I haven’t given enough time to myself, I can only push myself for so long before I won’t be much fun to be around.
A boundary that I still have to work on is not being treated the way I’d like in romantic situations. That sounds more dramatic than it is. But I’ve looked back on a lot of my romantic affairs to see how much I’ve put up and shut up because I was too caught up being the “cool girl”. The girl who doesn’t nag or complain, the go with the flow girl. In a way, that’s my default. Kind of just who I am. I’d rather not complain, but then if you get too crazy, I dip without explanation. A lot of times that’s just not fair, not because niggas deserve a full explanation, but because people only treat you how you allow them to. If you allow certain behaviors as a result of not setting clear boundaries, how much can you blame those who mistreat you in certain ways? Obviously, I’m talking the subtleties here, some things you shouldn’t have to say you don’t want. But over-sharing, in these cases, never hurt.
So, the key word here is boundaries. There are so many settings in our lives where clear boundaries need to be set. Don’t be the person blowing in the wind just dealing because you’re not Loving yourself enough to demand what you need. It takes work, but it’s worth it.
Cheers to boundaries and Insecure blowing my world up for another season.